How They've Grown
by Coneflower Adams
Summary: [Updated July 12]Merry, Pippin, and Sam are not children anymore, but for Frodo, he'll never forget when they were. Saying goodbye to them will be one of the hardest task he'll ever face.
1. Merry Pulls Away

**Chapter 1: Merry Pulls Away  
**  
_Oh, how they've grown. I have known them all their lives - Merry and Pippin from the time they were born, and Samwise since he was a young child. They have grown the most since we have returned.   
  
Now I must leave them. I need to, or I will lose myself completely.   
  
I move to Merry first. I have known him the longest. I was there at Brandy Hall when he was born, and was there through his early childhood. His eyes are red and wet with tears. His embrace is gentle, it always has been. Looking at him closely one more time, I cannot help but think of the baby who brought joy when I had no more… _  
  
Frodo stared out one of the hundred round windows at Brandy Hall. It was raining, and the rain always reminded him of his parents. It had rained the day he was told his parents had drowned in the river. Two years, it had been, and the tragedy still burned the young tweenager's heart like a heated dagger.   
  
This day, he was alone in the library and Brandy Hall was in an uproar. Frodo, thankfully, escaped the bustle. He knew what the fuss was about. Aunt Esmeralda, the wife of the Master's heir, was delivering her and Uncle Saradoc's first child. Supposedly, it was a very important event, but Frodo didn't take much interest in it. A few babies had been born in the Hall ever since he came to live there. Everyone, especially the lasses, hovered over the wee ones and didn't pay much mind to the older child when the babes were around.   
  
Uncle Sara and Aunt Esme had been his caretaker ever since his parents died. Now he'd truly be forgotten with their new baby around. Frodo sighed, and tried to concentrate on the book in his hands.   
  
Many hours later, there was a shout outside the library door. Frodo jolted upright, the book falling from his lap. He rubbed his eyes, realising he'd fallen asleep. Hurried feet paddled by the door then stopped.   
  
"There you are, lad!" Saradoc exclaimed, rushing into the library. "I'm glad I found you."  
  
"What's going on?" asked Frodo, groggily.   
  
Saradoc grabbed his young cousin's hand, and hauled him away. "Esme had the baby a little while ago. All the relatives have already come in to see him, but I noticed you were not there. Esme, exhausted as she is, was worried about you and told me to go look for you. Frodo, you must come see the baby."  
  
Though it was nice to hear that he was being worried over, Frodo really didn't want to see the baby. He'd see enough of the little one in years to come. But he let Saradoc guide him to the healing room where Esme had given birth.  
  
All the relatives had been chased from the room, and only the midwife remained. Esme was sitting up against the headboard, propped up by many pillows. The baby was in her arms. She looked up when Saradoc and Frodo entered.  
  
"Come see your new cousin, lad," she said, smiling tiredly.   
  
Frodo reluctantly approached the bed, climbing onto the side to get a close look. All babes looked the same to him, but when his eyes fell upon this one, he stared in disbelief. This baby wasn't the same as all the others. There was something special about him that Frodo noticed right away.   
  
The babe's eyes were opened wide, staring right back at him. Frodo reached out a finger to touch the red cheeks, but the babe caught his finger! Frodo laughed, and gently rubbed the babe's cheek with his other hand. Never had this happened before, and it delighted Frodo to no end.   
  
"Have you named him yet?"  
  
"We decided on naming him Meriadoc."  
  
"Meriadoc," Frodo repeated. This one would be different; he just knew it.

* * *

"But, I don't want you to go!" the eight-year old child protested through his tears.  
  
Frodo sighed, and knelt down to his little cousin's level - placing a hand on his shoulder. "We've been over this, Merry. I must go. I cannot stay here any longer."  
  
"Do you not love me anymore?"   
  
Oh, no. The little lad was becoming desperate. Frodo did not know how to explain why he had to leave. It was too complicated, sometimes even for him, to understand. There were so many people living in Brandy Hall. When Frodo had come to live there ten years ago, there weren't many children, and though not too quiet and organized, it was peaceful.   
  
Now there had been so many children born in the past few years. It was extremely crowded and hectic anywhere you went in the gigantic smial. Frodo was barely noticed by anyone, even his caretakers. All he had was little Merry, who was Frodo's shadow nearly every hour of the day. He loved his cousin from the deepest space in his heart, but he wasn't happy at the Hall. Only one person seen his unhappiness, and thankfully, it was his elder cousin who lived alone and was becoming rather lonely himself in his old age. That was why Frodo had not hesitated for a second when Bilbo asked him to come live at Bag End.  
  
It wrenched Frodo's heart to know that Merry, who had been such an amazing source of joy in his life, could not keep him from leaving the Hall.   
  
"You are not the reason I'm leaving, Meriadoc," Frodo said slowly and firmly. "I love you so very much, and I wish that you could come with me. But Brandy Hall is your home, and Bag End is my home now. You're always welcome to come stay. In fact," he added with a smile, "I order you to come stay at Bag End as often as you can!"  
  
Merry flung his short arms around his older cousin's neck, and did not let go. He cried on Frodo's shoulder until Saradoc came to take the lad away.  
  
_You were a joy to me, Merry. You always will be. I would have been lost at the Hall if it weren't for you. I left you once, and now I must leave you again. I am truly sorry. You hang onto me and cry on my shoulder just as you did as a child. But this time, you can pull away on your own._


	2. Pippin's Clutch

Writer note: Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter! Hope you all like the second one too :)  
  
**Chapter 2: Pippin's Clutch**  
  
_My dear little Pip, you have come so far. You're not the tiny lad who used to clutch at my clothes, and look up at me with wide, innocent, green eyes. But I embrace you now and see that you still clutch at my clothes as if I were going to disappear right before your eyes…_  
  
He was gone. Frodo had suspected something, but not this. Bilbo had disappeared right before everyone's eyes. Gasps and screams and dazed faces rippled through the crowd of party guests.  
  
Frodo finally tore his gaze from the party tree where his Uncle had stood only minutes before, and stared around him. He barely had a chance to recover his wits when something small, but strong threw itself at him. Short arms encircled him none-too-gently. Frodo didn't need to look down. He knew who had pummeled into him, and returned the child's embrace.   
  
"Are you going to disappear too, Cousin Frodo?" squeaked the child, his voice muffled from burying his face into Frodo's shirt.   
  
Frodo took a deep breath, steeling himself not to cry. Even though the child was eleven years of age, he was smaller than usual and Frodo could pick him up rather easily. The child did not protest.   
  
"No, Pip. I'm not going anywhere," he replied, pulling his handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his young cousin's damp cheeks. Poor Pippin, thinking his cousin would disappear just like Bilbo did.   
  
After the guests recovered (which wasn't too long after Bilbo's stunt), many came to grill Frodo for information on what happened. Frodo tried his best to explain that he did not know, but that wasn't good enough for most folks. All the while, Pippin held on to his older cousin's leg for dear life as if his grip would stop Frodo from going anywhere.   
  
Well, it did, in a way. Frodo had to carry Pippin in his arms when he wanted to move. Paladin and Eglantine Took finally approached him, and seeing her little son so distraught, Eglantine rushed to him. She tried to take him from Frodo, but Pippin refused to let go and tightened his grip around Frodo's neck, nearly squeezing Frodo's windpipe shut.   
  
"This is ridiculous behavior, Peregrin!" Paladin exclaimed. "Let go of poor Frodo!"  
  
"No!" Pippin cried, hiding his face in Frodo's shoulder.  
  
Frodo gave Paladin and Eglantine a sympathetic smile, despite his sadness of Bilbo's departure, and said, "I think he is afraid I'll disappear as well. I've explained to him I most certainly will not, but he's still afraid."  
  
No matter what they tried, Pippin wanted to stay with his older cousin. Frodo convinced the future Thain and his wife that their son could stay with him overnight. It would be a comfort to Pippin, and also to Frodo, who did not know if he could bear coming home to an empty smial.   
  
Though, Bag End was not empty when he arrived later that night – Pippin asleep on his shoulder.   
  
"Has he gone?" asked Frodo, finding the wizard sitting in the dark, deep in thought.   
  
"Yes," answered Gandalf. "He has gone at last." Then Gandalf turned. "I see you brought home another guest."  
  
Frodo looked down at the curly head resting on his shoulder. "Yes, Peregrin would not leave me for fear that I would vanish as well."  
  
Gandalf smiled warmly, and stood, stepping lightly over to Frodo. He laid a hand on the Pippin's head. "There's something about this child."  
  
Frodo laughed softly. "Indeed, there is. But, I better put him to bed. I am in great need to talk with you."  
  
He had to pry Pippin's short fingers from his shirt, but Frodo finally detached him and laid Pippin down in his bed. He talked with Gandalf for a while then Gandalf left. Frodo changed into nightclothes and went to bed. Pippin was still asleep. Frodo was grateful that he was. But when Frodo laid down, Pippin unconsciously snuggled up to him. He wrapped an arm around his young cousin and grasped his hand. Surprisingly, Pippin squeezed his hand back and did not let go for the rest of the night.  
  
In the morning, Frodo was suddenly awoken by a shout of joy and a small (but rather solid) body thrown on him. He grimaced as a bony knee sunk into his belly.   
  
"You're still here! It's so good to see you, Cousin Frodo!" Pippin shouted, as if he hadn't seen Frodo for a very long time. He bounced excitedly on the bed.   
  
Frodo groaned, retreating under the blankets. He fell asleep late that night, and now it was early morning. He could not help but be a little grumpy, especially with a child bouncing all over his bed and falling on him.   
  
Finally, he couldn't take it any more and reached a hand out from under the blankets. He grabbed Pippin's ankle, and dragged the child down with one swift tug to lie on the bed again. Pippin wiggled to join him in the blankets. They were face to face, and Pippin's face was threatening to split from his wide smile.   
  
"Are you over your fear of me disappearing?" asked Frodo.   
  
"You're here, aren't you?" But as soon as Pippin said that, his smile faded and doubt crept in his mind. "Does that mean you could still disappear at any time?"  
  
Frodo let out a snort. "No, it does not. I am here to stay, lad."  
  
"GOOD!" Pippin crawled on top of Frodo's belly. "But promise me you'll never leave."  
  
"I promise." Frodo smiled. Being wanted felt good.  
  
_I know I promised you, but I can't keep that promise anymore. You have all the energy in the world, and you've never ceased to make me feel wanted. I'm not disappearing right before your eyes, but I must go, for I will cause more grief here than I would by leaving. But, I promise we will see each other again beyond this life._


End file.
